Lumberjack

What is Lumberjack Days in Minneapolis, Minnesota? b/c im going to a concert there this summer and i was wondering if anyone has been there and they could maybe tell me a little about going to a concert there.. thanks!

If 1000 lumberjacks can chop down 1000 trees in 1000 days, how many days would it take one lumberjack to chop? down 1000 trees? 1,000 10,000 100,000 1,000,000 10,000,000

what should I wear to school for Lumberjack day? (be specific)? tomorrow is lumberjack day at school, so I need to dress like that. I need clothing ideas to wear.

1)Where does a person go to get employed as a lumberjack in California? If you don't know what about USA? 2) Do they pay a lot of money as a lumberjacker and how much? 3) Are there a lot of openings for a lumberjack? 4) What type of skill do you have to possess to be a lumberjack? 5) Whats a typical day of a lumberjacker?

How common is the LUMBERJACK costume this Halloween? I really want to dress up as a lumberjack, and since I'm still high school, I plan on wearing the costume that day. But, I don't want there to be a million of us.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK, I sleep all night and I work all day. What kind of digital camera should I buy?

What is morning wood is it a old lumberjack expression or something? I heard the expression from my nephew a few days ago and i didn't understand what he meant.

What are some good school dress up day ideas? Every year we have certain weeks where each day is a different dress up day at my highschool. I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions. We already have: Ninja Day NASCAR day (it's really make fun of white trash day since we live in Oklahoma) Pre-K day Western Day 80's Workout Day Rockstar Day Water Safety Day Lumberjack/Construction Worker Day Gender Bender Day Any suggestions are appreciated!

Where YOU ever a lumberjack - just for one day on a wild Welsh hillside?

What hockey player has obtained the most media in the past 10 days? What hockey player has obtained the most media attention in the past 10 days? A) Lumberjack B) Fish-lips or C) Neanderthal boy Erica/Snoop: lmao: I had no idea Guy did disco!!! I looked it up. Haaa! http://ggower.blogspot.com/2006/06/guy-lafleur-launches-disco-album.html Haaaaaaa! Let me make myself clear you guys……before I go to bed (Yes, I am that sick 6:00pm bedtime). A: Forsberg B: Crosby C: Ovechkin D: And by Snoop and popular demand: Lafleur

Is this kind of shirt fashionable these days? Link: http://cerebra-schis.deviantart.com/art/Billabong-in-my-life-136850003 Haha, the "lumberjack couture" look. The 90's reeked of flannel shirts. Do you think they look decent nowadays? I personally LOVE them, especially Billabong ones. Let me know your opinion. :) Thanks in advance.

What is a lumberjack lesbian? My friend told me she was one the other day and that she was huge, what exactly is it?

Little Lumberjack? A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

Are you a lumberjack and are you ok ? Do you sleep all night and do you work all day ?

Lumberjack Joke, a star if you like it? Way way up in the forested part of northern Canada was a lumberjack camp the nearest house was 50 miles away and the nearest town another 50 miles further on so the lumberjacks only got away once a month for a weekend of drinking and womanising and during the winter it wasn't possible to leave the camp at all, and in late summer a new recruit arrived, a young man who was keen to learn the job, and all went well until the winter started and the young man started missing the weekends in town, so he said to one of the seasoned lumberjacks what do you do about not being to get your leg over during the winter, and the guy told him, what most of the guys here do is carve a piece of tree trunk into the shape of a woman, make a hole in it and when the need arises they make love to it, that's what I do and its better than nothing, anyway the rookie thinks about it and decides he would give it a try, so he spent his evenings working on making his piece of tree into the desired shape, and it was beautiful, a real work of art and a few days later he said to the guy who told him, its fantastic it is nearly as good as the real thing, all goes well for a couple of months and one morning at roll call one of the men is missing, so they search for him and find his dead body dumped in a ravine with his throat cut, the foreman lines his men up and asks the men if anyone knew anything about the murder and after a couple of minutes thought the rookie stepped forward and said I done it sir I killed the man. and the foreman said but why, you seemed to get on all right with all the other men and the rookie says well sir I found him in bed with my bit of wood........ Quite a few people commented about the way it was written I blame the silly little box you have to put it in, and to go back over it before you submit it is just too much work, I am not fast on the keyboard and I do have other things to do, but thanks for the constructive criticism

How to address my daughter's fear? My 4 year old daughter is now afraid of wolves. Someone read a version of a fairy tale to her were a lumberjack cuts open the wolf. She has a birthday party in 6 days that the main entertainment will be a marionnette play that will include a wolf. What would be the best thing to do to have her not be afraid of the wolf in the play?

If you are a lumberjack, are you ok? Do you work all day and sleep all night. Do you put on women's undies and

Are you a lumberjack too? Are you Ok? Do you sleep all night and work all day? 'He's a lumberjack and he's ok He sleeps all night and he works all day' 'I cut down trees I eat my lunch I go to the lavatreee On Wendnesdays I'll go shopping And have buttered scones for tea' All together now: He's a lumberjack and he's Ok...

Help with dress up ideas? My high school has a week called Beach Bash, where everyday is a different dress up theme.. monday is neon day tuesday is zoo day wednesday is farmer vs. lumberjack day thursday is super hero day friday is beach day and friday night we have Beach Bash which is a casual dance. Any ideas for what I could wear for these days? HELP :) 10 points. thanks.

Why do women want men to shave body hair? What happened to the rugged lumberjack days or yor?

If I am a lumberjack, is it really ok? I sleep all night and work all day, I like to put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.

quick hairstyle ideas.?10 pointss!? tonight i'm going to lumberjack days. i don't want to put it up;ickk; and usually my hair is straight; or quite often in to braids. oh and its like few inches past shoulder; and has layers. and i wanted to have two french braids but my mom doesnt no how to:P and i dont want to just keep it down and straight. so any ideas pleasee.?

Does John Edwards Want To Be President , A Fashion Model , . . .. . . .Or Maybe a Lumberjack ? See inside !!? Edwards : "Ohhhhhhhh , I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok , I sleep all night and I work all day . Choir : He's a lumberjack and he's ok , he sleeps all night and he works all day . Edwards : I cut down trees , I eat my lunch , I go to the lavatory . On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea. Choir : He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory . On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea. Edwards : I cut down trees , I skip and jump , I like to press wild-flowers . I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars !! Choir : He cuts down trees , he skips and jumps , he likes to press wild-flowers . He puts on women's clothing. . . . and hangs around in bars ??? Edwards : I chop down trees , I wear high-heels , suspenders and a bra . I wish I'd been a girlie , just like my dear Papa . Choir : He cuts down trees , he wears high-heels , suspenders. . . . . .and a bra?? Maybe THAT'S why he's always fixing his hair ?

Who is stronger a farmer or a pro athlete? I know u would prob say athlete but think about it.Farmers and Lumberjacks dads were usually lumber jacks too which means they were working since they were little.They work all day.Thats like the lifestyle of an animal constant working.Athletes work out too but they start at a later age and they dont do it all day.So my question. How strong is really a farmer or a lumberjack in his 20s?

Would you rather be punched in the face by a lumber jack or listen to the Spice Girls all the time? OK, so a big burly Lumberjack will Punch you in the face every single day for 2 years no matter what you do. Or you will hear spice girls music 24/7 for the next 5 years. Which would you rather?

Is this an accurate assumption of evolution between liberals and conservatives? For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

Oh... I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day! Anyone? Anyone?

Whats the fastest way to grow a sick beard? im 16 and want a lumberjack beard should i shave it like every day what should i do

Would you rather pick up a handsome naked hitchhiker wielding a machete or a fat smelly lumberjack who...? has a limp, no teeth, and looks like he hasn't showered for days?

Is this the difference between conservatives & liberals? Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is now known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get something for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history.

Irish lumberjack? an irishman answered a job ad for a lumberjack. he turned up was handed a chainsaw and told to go out and cut down any trees with a mark on them.He started work and at the end of the day the foreman asked how many trees he had felled that day.'one' he replied, the foreman was shocked but gave him the benefit of the doubt for his first day.on his second day after being asked for more effort he returned at the end of the day and proudly stated that he had felled two trees.the fore man said it was still not good enough and so he would go out with him the next day to show him how.the next morning they grabbed their chainsaws and went out into the forest they reached an apropreate tree and the foreman said to stand back and watch he grabbed the ripcord and started the chainsaw and the irishman shouted" what's that noise!"!!

I'm a lumberjack. Am I OK? I'm a lumberjack and I think I'm OK. I usually sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars. I cut down trees, I wear high heels, Suspenders, and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!! Like I said, I'm a lumberjack and I think I'm OK. What do you think?

dress up day at school ideas? Its lumberjack day at school tomorrow and I need ideas on what to wear i am all ready wearing a plaid shirt with suspenders??? do you have anymore ideas???

Is this the true history of the democrats and the republicans? For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.

does this sound like a cute outfit? tomorrow for homecoming week is lumberjack day and i was wondering if this sounded cute a purple plaid button down its kinda fitted and it has blue stripes with the plaid its like mostly purple then blue white n black stripes with either normal jeans or gray skinny jeans and uggs or dark brown slouchy boots and what accesories should i wear?

Will you tell me something Mr Lumberjack is it one for forward and three for back, two for stop and four for? Go .Boy as a whistle punk i don't know.Also, is it permissible to cut timber on a windy day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCnYsy7B40o

Any good advice on felling a dead tree ? Hi, No two ways about it, that old elm has had it's day, and is in danger of toppling over onto someone. However, I was taught to cut a "V" near the base in the direction I want it to fall, then slice through the other side. Trouble is, last time I did that, it fell sideways, just missing vehicles. And there was no wind. I am obviously not a lumberjack, so any advice from those in the know ? Bob

POLL: What political party are the workers and what political party are not? A History Lesson Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

Do you realize that if you saw me in real life you would to me? I am so manly. One day I was chopping down trees with a butterknife. Then, these lumberjacks were walking by and they saw me and my manliness. They cried in my presence and bowed to me.

makeup question pretty easy? tommorow i am wearing a purple blue black and white plaid shirt for lumberjack day and i was wondering wat i should do for my makeup i dont want to do the everyday brown and tan natural look so what should i do?

I'm a lumberjack, am i okay? do i sleep all night? do i work all day?

I'm a lumberjack, am I OK? I sleep all night and I work all day.

Is this the truth about Liberals, and Conservatives? I asked this question earlier today and got so many great responses. For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before answering it. Patchoul, it is evident that you are clueless, you hunt meat in the summer when animals are not dormant, and go to coastal regions where the wheather is nice. Hunt mountains, cold, hunt sea shore nice.

are you a lumberjack, and if you are, are you ok? and do you work all night and sleep all day? and on wednesdays do you go shopping?

Does anyone remember a cartoon they played in Canada at the end of the broadcast day about lumberjacks? Does anyone remember a cartoon they played in canada at the end of the broadcast day (or at the start) about lumberjacks and it starts out as a real live video and changed into animation as a lumberjack log rolling down the river doing tricks and he is carrying a hook. I'm trying to find that video if anyone knows where to find it. It was around the time they played those "A Part Of Our Heritage" commercials like this one.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtJmbuE2qOs&feature=PlayList&p=C337B374627D56E0&index=2 Awesome...that's it. Thanx! Much Appreciated!

Blonde lumberjack? This blonds goes to a hardware store to buy a chainsaw. The store-owner sells one that he guarantees will cut down 50 trees a day. So the blonde takes the saw and goes to clear some land. The next day the blonds comes back and complains it would only cut down 6 trees in one day. The hardwareman takes the saw and says, "Well, maybe there is something wrong with it?" So he fires it up.... Then the blonde asks, "What's that noise?"

I'm A Lumberjack And I'm Okay? I sleep at Night and i work all day. I chop down Trees, i eat my Lunch i go to the Lavatory. I put on Womens clothing and have Buttered Scones for tea.

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay....? I sleep all night and I work all day.......

Is this the history of liberals and conservatives? For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1 . Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing.. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Is it true that in 1936 Collingwood players slaughtered Carlton's mascot bull and then fed it to Carlton? I asked a question about why there is a rivalry between these two clubs and this dude told me the following: "Here goes the story: back in 1936 Collingwood and Carlton we're scheduled to play their first leg. In those days it was tradition for the player, coaches, and families of the teams to meet up for a meal the day before the game, and the home team would provide the tucker..home team this time is Collingwood. Carlton Footy Club at the time had a mascot the "blue" bull (inspired from babe the blue ox, paul bunyan lumberjack) that arrived 3 days before the rest of the team...some Collingwood supporters killed and butchered the animal and gave it to the players' and coaches' wives to make BBQ with, which considering the times in australia was a welcome jester...and so yes the Carlton players show up to the luncheon and enjoy a great, but a bit tough BBQ steaks that day, and found out what happened the next day about 30 mins before the match, and from that time on its been "on like donkey kong"!"... Source(s): My neighbour told me this, he's a 72 year old lifetime footy fanatic who knows EVERYTHING about aussie rules history... IS THIS TRUE??! CAN ANYONE ELSE VERIFY IT?! Cos if it is, then that is FRICKEN LOW... those Collingwood scumbags deserve everything they get!! Yet at the same time the jokes on those blue baggers! Imagine how fricken hillarious it would've been to watch those Carlton players chewing on their steak and enjoying it! Then the shock on their face when they realize 30 mins before the game that it was their mascot that they ate and the Collingwood SCUM killed it and fed it to them!!! LMFAO!!! THAT'S PURE F@#$ING GOLD!!! Y2J - that's so old now.. but I still like it!!!

Is this a true story, about how the whole Liberal vs. Conservative thing came about? Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were: 1. The invention of beer, and 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man. These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered , it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution o f the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that Conservatives provided. Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboy s, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more Liberals....... just to piss them off. I don't really consider myself a lib or a con so please don't shoot the messenger: http://www.topix.com/forum/guns/T3QT2N94Q89QORUUN/p13

YUWA Episode 5 In The Shadow Of The Battlefield? Darth Hendrix: I have accepted a challenge to the world title. Justin will also participate so tonight, just seven days from his grueling lumberjack match against Lionheart Chris Jericho (y2j) in a steel cage match. We will see if Justin can keep this fluke winning streak against me. Match 1: Tag Team Match !Tz R@t3d O 4 oB@m@ b!tch3z & George Washington 21st Century v Melina Ms Paparazzi & GM W Bush Match 2: Fatal Four Way Fizzllama v Vengeance Has A Name v Fabian v The Spy Match 3: Capture The Flag Psycho Dude 99 v Lionheart Chris Jericho (Y2J) Match 4: Steel Cage For World Title Shaun Cold Stunner v Justin v Darth Hendrix vote and promos please WQ: Do you think Eve is what Kelly Kelly would be like if she was talented? WQ2: Notice Layla lost the corny english accent? I mean if Kelly had talent. Eve has talent.

Run-on sentence check? I'm doing a project for english and I need help in correcting this for run-ons and just general grammar mistakes. I'm in 9th grade and I've never worked on anything harder in my life, so please help me! The assignment is to do a description of someone and its due tomorrow so if it says the question is a day old please don't answer. Here it is... The lumberjack stood on the mountainside next to his rusty pick-up truck, with a large axe resting on his shoulder, looking at the timberline and everything beyond it. The man’s face had a rugged look to it, with a dark brown mustache, beard and sideburns that all came together at his bony cheeks, and a long white scar, which contrasted against his dark complexion, running down his eye. He wore a shabby old coat that covered his brawny build and a pair of loose-fitting, worn out jeans, which were stained with mud and grass. The lumberjack stood a little over six feet, and weighed over two-hundred pounds, not accounting for his bulky steel toed boots. As the man looked at the valley, he took a deep breath in, savoring the crisp morning air, and then exhaled. While the man started his descent, he noticed a perfect red wood tree towering nearly one-hundred feet above his head and decided that this would be how he would spend the next hour or so of his day. The lumberjack leaned the axe against the soft bark of the tree and unsheathed the blade. He grabbed the handle of the axe with his rough and callused hands, lifted the axe over his shoulder, and swung, with what seemed very little effort, taking a large chip out of the base of the tree’s trunk. He repeated this tiresome motion until only a fraction of the trunk was left. The man wiped the beads of sweat running down his red face, lifted the axe, and swiped down with all of the strength he could muster. The man watched this forest giant crash down against the wet, dew covered ground. The man opened his mouth, ever so slightly, and grinned. looks like olive oil is getting 10 pts. i like that answer.

Who remembers when jobbers looked like jobbers? The type of guy that would look like your uncle just decided to get his @ss kicked on TV one day so he threw on a pair of tights and drove to the arena. I miss that type of jobber. Who were some of your favorite jobbers who fit this description? Personally, I liked Rick Renslow (of late 80s WWF). A hairy, balding, pale white, lumberjack-beard wearing 'athlete'. THE GAMBLER!! A WCW Saturday Night regular

what does this mean!?!?!? "Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, “You’re crooked. You’ve always been crooked and you’ll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!” said the straight tree. He said, “I’m tall and I’m straight.” And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, “Cut all the straight trees.” And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange."

I came out of the closet and told my parents I was straight the other day. they were devastated of course? Coming from a long line of gays my dads were not very accommodating in the least. heterophobes the pair of them! now I gotten all lumberjack shirts and tossed my tight pink tee's in the garbage. They aren't talking to me what should I do introduce them to my girlfriend or is that too much for one day?

Does this story speak the truth about Cons, and Dems.? For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before ansewering it.

Black Paul Bunyan: What do you think about this? http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/nation/story/ABDC6DD55F472A6A862571BA001D9CA5?OpenDocument I get that it's important to investigate our history, including whether this slave's bio was accurate. But why are these things "fabulous feats of strength?" 6'1'' is not tall (6' is avg for a guy). I myself carried an 8 pound M-16 throughout Army Basic training, so that's no biggie. And whether splitting 7 cords of wood a day--ask a lumberjack if that's a lot, or if that's about normal for a lumberjack. I don't get why this is so heroic?? Do they think these are "feats of strength" because he was a black slave? Objectively, this doesn't seem like a big deal and wouldn't qualify for being Paul Bunyan-esque.

Personal Hygene in the office? Hi, recently we have had a new older scottish bloke start and he sits directly behind me. He's an alcoholic and goes pub every lunch time and is always late, and even comes in on days wearing jeans and lumberjack shirt. He's a heavy smoker and his cough is driving me nuts as I already have two other smokers near me that cough regularly. But most of all, this scottish guy FARTS out loud about 4-5 times a day. It's totally gross, and no1 says anything to him. He also looks and comments on the contents on my pc screen as he sits behind me, I cant move monitor as it not private no matter where i put it- but i dont care too much about that, its the farting and constant coughing that's doing my head in. Is there anythin I can do?? Best answer chosen as always:p

I just want to thank all the good people who added themselves to my fan list.? I feel all beautiful and special inside and you made my day. ..........beware of lumberjacks

What's The Real Importance Of Campaign Theme Songs ? . . BTW , What Do You Think Of John Edwards' Song ?? Edwards : OOOOOOOOhhhhhhh , I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK , I sleep all night and I work all day . Choir : He's a lumberjack and he's OK , he sleeps all night and he works all day . Edwards : I cut down trees , I eat my lunch , I go to the lavatory . On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea . Choir : He cuts down trees , he eats his lunch , he goes to the lavatory . On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea . Edwards : I cut down trees , I skip and jump , I like to press wild-flowers . I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars !! Choir : He cuts down trees , he skips and jumps , he likes to press wild-flowers . He puts on women's clothing. . . . . and hangs around in bars ??? Edwards : I chop down trees , I wear high-heels , suspenders and a bra . I wish I'd been a girlie , just like my dear Pa-pa !! Choir : He cuts down trees , he waers high-heels .. . . suspenders and a bra ???? After his comment last night , is there any doubt? Loftit - You are correct sir , however the mind shall never be void of good-natured humor !! << Earnest T PhD/THC 2007 .

battle of the metal singles (80s version)!? these may be a little hard, and if so i apologize...i list these so i can remember them and the past. "Rainbow in the Dark" (Dio) or "Crazy Train" (Ozzy) "Revelations" (Maiden) or "Another Thing Coming" (Priest) "Die Hard the Hunter" (Def Leppard) or "The Zoo" (Scorpions) "Its So Easy" (G&R) or "Sex Action" (LA Guns) "Too Young To Fall in Love (Crue) or "Burn In Hell" (TS) "Blind in Texas" (WASP) or "Balls to the Walls" (Accept) "You Dont Remember" (Yngwie Malmsteen) or "Twilight Zone" (Golden Earring) "Mandatory Suicide" (Slayer) or "Shortest Straw" (Metallica) "How Will I Laugh" (Suicidal Tendencies) or "Mother" (Danzig) "Modern Day Cowboy" (Tesla) or "Lumberjack Song (Jackyl) bonus: (glam metal) "Seventeen" (WInger) or "Wait" (White Lion) "Uncle Toms Cabin" (Warrant) or "Rock Me" (Great White) thx nora...you do too apparently

Which is the bigger sin: lying or stealing? The following answer was just posted by a Christian lady, claiming this happened to her. Made me wonder: which is the bigger sin? Lying? Or stealing a lame comedian's material? -------------------- One time, I was standing in line at the grocery store and someone sneezed behind me and I said, "God bless you." (I don't say, "bless you" because I'm not the Lord.) He replied with a snuff and said, "I'm an atheist." I said, "really? That's pretty dumb." He said, "yeah? What do you think happens to you when you die?" I said, "well, if I've lived a good life, I go to Heaven and I'm reunited with all my ancestors. What do YOU think happens to you when YOU die?" He said, "well, I believe that when I die, my body will go back into the earth and I will be reborn again as a beautiful tree swaying in the forest." Now, I thought about this. Suppose he is reincarnated into a tree and he is swaying in the forest, doing things that trees do. Suppose one particular sunny day, a big, sweaty lumberjack comes into the forest, looks around, cuts him down, puts him in a chopper, grinds him down into paper... ... and they print the Bible on him. --------------------------- Princess: I'm really childish. I really am. And you shouldn't mess with people who are as childish as I am. How childish am I? I actually made a screen shot of your answer, because I figured you'd edit it after reading this question. Thus, that's your second lie. Well done. Post one more lie and I'll even be so childish to upload the screen shot and post a link to it here. Snap! Me 7, you 0.

I'm looking for a cute plaid shirt. ? You know, one of those lumberjack shirts all these celebrities are wearing these days. I can never find one I like. The one I did like on PacSun's site was hot pink and black plaid, but sadly it is no longer in stock..grr.

Big Main Event Match Announced For RAW? The following is from WWE.com: In a move that should surprise nobody, the cocky Mr. Kennedy has appointed himself the captain of his Survivor Series team, despite the fact that his squad is packed with accomplished Superstars Umaga, Finlay, Big Daddy V and MVP. As the self-appointed captain, Mr. Kennedy is already showing signs of leadership. In fact, Capt. Kennedy has gone so far as to challenge 11-time World Champion Triple H to a Lumberjack Match this week on Raw. With just six days until the 21st annual Survivor Series, will The Game step up to the challenge? Be sure to stay with WWE.com as further developments on this match unfold.

who will win these matches? Files Photos Links Database Polls Members Calendar Promote Info Settings Group Information Members: 13 Category: WWE Founded: Apr 29, 2006 Language: English Group Settings Membership does not require approval Messages do not require approval All members can post messages Email attachments are permitted Members cannot hide email address Listed in directory Yahoo! Groups Tips Did you know... Real people. Real stories. See how Yahoo! Groups impacts members worldwide. Already receiving group email? Home Activity within 7 days:3 New Members - 19 New Messages - 21 New Photos Description Welcome everyone to another sold out arena! Welcome Everyone to World Wrestling Fanatics! I will create a roster with some of the best past and present WWE and WWF Superstars. I will place them in matches inside "Yahoo answers" (Under the Wrestling section). This is where you the fans decide the match, you the fans decide the rivalry, you the fans decide the outcome! FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN RESULTS: Ultimate Warrior will be ready from injury sooner that expected, he will be booked in a match very soon leading into The Great American Bash! Bobby Lashley and John Cena fight to a no decision, gain respect for each other. Kennedy and Orton have no chance against Kane and The Undertaker Rey Mysterio steals a win from The Million Dollar Man Brock Lesnar and Golberg no longer a tag team Edge and Batista take care of Triple H and Shawn Michaels Hulk Hogan comes away with upper hand when Austin begins gloating Jeff defeats The Rock, Hardys are undisputed number one tag team contendars! MONDAY NIGHT RAW PREVIEW: Hogan chooses Lumberjacks for The Bash Kennedy Vs Randy Orton Number One Contendar Intercontinental Championship Tag Champions John Cena Bobby Lashley Vs Scott Hall and Kevin Nash Shawn Michaels Vs Edge Will Edge Get A Rematch For The World Title? Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs Randy Savage Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat Vs Rob Van Dam Scott Steiner and Tazz Vs The British Bulldog GREAT AMERICAN BASH: JULY 22nd Randy Savage Vs Brock Lesnar Vs Goldberg Vs Ultimate Warrior WWF Women's Champion Mickie James Vs Lita Vs Trish Stratus Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs Hulk Hogan in a Lumberjack Match where Hogan chooses the Lumberjacks WWF Tag Team Champions Bobby Lashley and John Cena Vs The Hardys Undertaker and Kane Vs Boogeyman and Papa Shango

dAnCe CoStUmE?! :)? there is this dance coming up called OLOT. it is kindof like homecoming, with a theme and i have a date. so the theme is "in the woods" like a lumberjack, snow white and her prince, etc, etc. well the dance is in two days and i have no idea what i will be! because the snow white costumes are all sold out and so I NEED IDEAS PLEASE???!

i know i already asked this but does he like me? there is this boy i know and i kinda like him and i think he likes me. he teases me all the time telling me he hates me but he smiles when he says it. he also says get out of here but he jokes around a lot with me. he walks with me to the bus when schools over. he says yes to everything i ask him and he walks with me to almost every class. we talk everyday and i see him staring at me a lot. his friend told me he had soft nipples for some reason. my friend thought it was to embarrass the guy but i dont know. he started smiling after his friend said that. he always wants to know what im talking about when i am talking with someone that walks by. we were walking to the bus one day and we were telling each other how much we hate each other( we were teasing each other) and he says he hated me so much then he laughed and kept walking with me and then when i got to my bus he said bye and i hate you and laughed i did the same. does that mean anything? i dont think so. please help. he looks in my eyes when i talk to him too. hes kinda a quiet guy who stays to himself but he opens up to me a lot but he talks to these other girls to but he doesnt walk with them we are both freshmen. i really really like him and i want him to like me too but im scared to ask him out i really want him to ask me but i think hes kinda shy. ohh yeah like two days ago me and him were wearing those shirts that look like lumberjack shirts but mine was a girls and his was a boys but my friends went to the back of the classroom to one of the chalkboards in study hall and wrote his name and my name and wrote "lumberjacks" then they drew a line from his name to mine and drew a heart on the line and then wrote underneath that "lovers" and he was standing right there when they did that and he didnt try to erase it or anything like other guys would have.

This Is Life? The Old Man and the Dog by Catherine Moore 'Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!' My father yelled at me. 'Can't you do anything right?' Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle. 'I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving.' My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt. Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him? Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess. The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man. Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone. My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it. The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympat hetic voices that answered in vain. Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, 'I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article.' I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog. I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly. I pointed to the dog. 'Can you tell me about him?' The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. 'He's funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.' He gestured helplessly. As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. 'You mean you're going to kill him?' 'Ma'am,' he said gently, 'that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog.' I looked at the pointer ag

Help with history paper?

Rise and shine, happy campers! Welcome to another sunshiney day at camp Getmeouttathisdump! Wakey wakey!? This morning, the cook has prepared us something SPECIAL to eat! Octopus Omelets! now, they may be a bit chewy, but you'll all be able to choke it down, and i'm sure you'll need the energy today! After breakfast, we'll all do our morning duties! Group one, your job today is to give the mess hall a fresh coat of paint. Group Two, your task is to cut down a few trees and make us a few extra canoes for the canoeing trip today! And group three, you guys have to clean all the dishes from breakfast by hand because the washer isn't working. After our duties, we'll go canoeing to Bear Island to shoot bears because we ran out of food at the big counseler blowout last n...never mind....JUST SHOOT THE BEARS!!! *ahem* sorry. After our little hunt, we'll go back to camp and learn how to make a jumbo jet out of birchbark, sticks, and a plant that we call "Lumberjack toilet paper"! No, Henry, it isn't used lumberjack toilet paper. Well, campers, enjoy breakfast! Have a super sunshiney marvy doo day!!

>>>WWE News* Although WWE wanted to send Jeff Hardy to rehab it is now believed he will just be taking the 60 days at home (no pun intended). He is adamant he doesn't have a problem and was just caught on the off chance. As we noted a few days ago, nobody is set to take his place in the Money In The Bank match, although a Matt Hardy run in on MVP is likely. - One idea being discussed for the Floyd Mayweather and Big Show match at Wrestlemania is a Lumberjack match with Floyd's posse on one side and WWE stars on the other. Hardy's suspension will end in mid-May, but company policy is that if you are suspended during the build to a PPV, you miss that PPV. This means that Hardy will not likely be back on TV until June 1st. That also means that he will miss out of PPV bonuses from WrestleMania, Backlash and Judgment Day on top of two months of house show and downside guarantee money. When Hardy was suspended the first time in 2007, he missed Summerslam. Due to his position on the card company estimates figure that Hardy lost out on $100,000 for that suspension. Message me then "the next big thing"

What are some trends that have recently been popping up at your school? Yes, yes, I know that being yourself is better than any trend and being original is the best kind of style you can have but you know you've recently seen a couple hundred girls wearing plaid shirts that remind you of lumberjacks walking around your school all of a sudden.. I'm a high school student in Southern California btw and recently I've seen a lot of lumberjack looking shirts, big no-prescription-clear lenses eyeglasses, and leather jackets.. Yeah. Leather jackets. So recently what have new trends have you seen popping up at your school? (And by recently I don't necessarily mean these past two days we've been in school of course..)

why does everybody stereotype new jersey? for all yall sterotype my state this is what i think of you: PA: Learn how to ******* drive NY: What else is in your state besides NYC? Learn how to ******* drive CT: No one gives a **** about you. Learn how to ******* drive VT: I thought you already became part of Canada. Learn how to ******* drive NH: Same with you NH. Learn how to ******* drive ME:Forest, Hicks and whole lotta nothing. Learn how to ******* drive MA: Just beat the ******* Yankees for christ's sake. Learn how to ******* drive RI: I drove through your state in 10 minutes HA. Learn how to ******* drive OH: Yea, you got sick football. Annything else? Nope. Learn how to ******* drive KY: Why the **** are you called the Blue Grass State?Learn how to ******* drive MD:Your famous for Crabs? (Is it the thing in the ocean or the other one). Learn how to ******* drive DE: Absolutely no one gives a **** about that state. Learn how to ******* drive VA: No one realizes it but its the middle of ******* no where. What are you gonna say Thomas Jefferson could totally kick Springsteen's ***. Learn how to ******* drive NC: Wassup ya'll. Wait did I say that too fast. Learn how to ******* drive SC: Wait who won the civil war? Learn how to ******* drive GA: Got peaches? Learn how to ******* drive FL: Blacks and cubans, oh yeah I forgot about Disney World. Does Mickey Mouse speak Spanish?Learn how to ******* drive AL: Hick country USA/ where Dubrule went to college. Learn how to ******* drive MS: Man, I wish New Jersey had a sweet river named after it too. Learn how to ******* drive LA: Dumbest,poorest (AKA blackest) state in America. Learn how to ******* drive TX: Dumb oil hicks. Learn how to ******* drive OK: Would you beat Texas in football one of these days. Learn how to ******* drive NE: Got corn? Learn how to ******* drive IA: Got even more corn? Learn how to ******* drive IN: Middle of no where. Mad KKK too. Learn how to ******* drive MI: HAHA you have to live near Canada. Learn how to ******* drive WV: Wow, that sucks you live in West Virginia. Learn how to ******* drive TN: How ya'll doin. Learn how to ******* drive MO: Country Music rocks.............Not. Learn how to ******* drive KS: Dude, tornadoes suck. Learn how to ******* drive WI: I hate cheese. Learn how to ******* drive MN: Lumberjack anyone. I'd rather have the shore than a bunnch of ******* lakes. Learn how to ******* drive MT: Where the **** is Montana, is MT even your acronym. Learn how to ******* drive WY: Where the **** are you too? Should be exploited and turned into a huge night club or something. Learn how to ******* drive WA: Hey Bill Gates, thanks for all the frickin computers. Learn how to ******* drive CA: Surf's up dude, you wanna go get drunk bra, dude we're so rich, dude I just got like my 18th ferrari for my 20th birthday, Hippies, fags, mad chinese people. Learn how to ******* drive NV: Vegas baby. Learn how to ******* drive UT: Dude, how many wives do you have? Learn how to ******* drive CO: I'd rather have a Miller. Learn how to ******* drive SD: Didn't you get raped by a bunch of Indians (Sorry Native Americans)back in the day. Learn how to ******* drive ND: Almost as useless as South Dakota. Learn how to ******* drive AZ: NEW MEXICO. Learn how to ******* drive NM: Arizona has more mexicans. Learn how to ******* drive HI: Luau anyone? Really fat linemen in the NFL. Do you drive a car or a surfboard. Learn how to ******* drive AK: I've been there so this isn't a stereotype: Literally the middle of no where, no one cares about it, eskimos, rains everyday, Nothing worthwhile. Learn how to ******* drive IL: Chicago and nothing else, but a lot of good pro sports. Learn how to ******* drive BRICK CITY STAND UP!!!!!!!!

I Need a Puny Xmas Card Suggestion!? For years we've made puny Xmas cards: Happy Hula Days w/ the girls in hula costumes w/ a snowman, Wishing you a Whopper of a Christmas (with our tree hanging upside down like a fish, a measuring rod next to it and all of us in lumberjack clothes), a nativity scene w/ our baby new as Jesus, our older one as an angel w/ the caption "It's a Girl!". Now we're stumped. Any funny puny Xmas card ideas for a couple w/ 2 girls (1 teen 1 pre-teen. ) Also to be included: a rabbit, dog, cat & 2 rats. If you like a challenge, please send your suggestions my way, and THANKS!

What should I wear for a costume for school?!? So for winter carnival at the school I go to, we do a thing called winter carnival. We compete in games against other grades. Each day is like a different theme like sports day, Lumberjack day, beach day, and stuff. Each year winter carnival has a different theme. This year is ancient civilizations. The freshman class, which I'm in, is the Phoenicians. Tomorrow we have to dress like the people of the civilization our grade is. I can't think of how to dress to be like a phoenician. They invented purple dye, even though it was more a reddish color. For a project last year I did on phoenicians, I just wore purple. I want to do more than just wear purple this time though. Any ideas? Thanx in advance. I want to do more than just wear purple! Also not all phoenicians wore purple, considering the dye was made from snails, not everyone could get it in those ancient times...

why does everybody sterotype new jersey? for all yall sterotype my state this is what i think of you: PA: Learn how to ******* drive NY: What else is in your state besides NYC? Learn how to ******* drive CT: No one gives a **** about you. Learn how to ******* drive VT: I thought you already became part of Canada. Learn how to ******* drive NH: Same with you NH. Learn how to ******* drive ME:Forest, Hicks and whole lotta nothing. Learn how to ******* drive MA: Just beat the ******* Yankees for christ's sake. Learn how to ******* drive RI: I drove through your state in 10 minutes HA. Learn how to ******* drive OH: Yea, you got sick football. Annything else? Nope. Learn how to ******* drive KY: Why the **** are you called the Blue Grass State?Learn how to ******* drive MD:Your famous for Crabs? (Is it the thing in the ocean or the other one). Learn how to ******* drive DE: Absolutely no one gives a **** about that state. Learn how to ******* drive VA: No one realizes it but its the middle of ******* no where. What are you gonna say Thomas Jefferson could totally kick Springsteen's ***. Learn how to ******* drive NC: Wassup ya'll. Wait did I say that too fast. Learn how to ******* drive SC: Wait who won the civil war? Learn how to ******* drive GA: Got peaches? Learn how to ******* drive FL: Blacks and cubans, oh yeah I forgot about Disney World. Does Mickey Mouse speak Spanish?Learn how to ******* drive AL: Hick country USA/ where Dubrule went to college. Learn how to ******* drive MS: Man, I wish New Jersey had a sweet river named after it too. Learn how to ******* drive LA: Dumbest,poorest (AKA blackest) state in America. Learn how to ******* drive TX: Dumb oil hicks. Learn how to ******* drive OK: Would you beat Texas in football one of these days. Learn how to ******* drive NE: Got corn? Learn how to ******* drive IA: Got even more corn? Learn how to ******* drive IN: Middle of no where. Mad KKK too. Learn how to ******* drive MI: HAHA you have to live near Canada. Learn how to ******* drive WV: Wow, that sucks you live in West Virginia. Learn how to ******* drive TN: How ya'll doin. Learn how to ******* drive MO: Country Music rocks.............Not. Learn how to ******* drive KS: Dude, tornadoes suck. Learn how to ******* drive WI: I hate cheese. Learn how to ******* drive MN: Lumberjack anyone. I'd rather have the shore than a bunnch of ******* lakes. Learn how to ******* drive MT: Where the **** is Montana, is MT even your acronym. Learn how to ******* drive WY: Where the **** are you too? Should be exploited and turned into a huge night club or something. Learn how to ******* drive WA: Hey Bill Gates, thanks for all the frickin computers. Learn how to ******* drive CA: Surf's up dude, you wanna go get drunk bra, dude we're so rich, dude I just got like my 18th ferrari for my 20th birthday, Hippies, fags, mad chinese people. Learn how to ******* drive NV: Vegas baby. Learn how to ******* drive UT: Dude, how many wives do you have? Learn how to ******* drive CO: I'd rather have a Miller. Learn how to ******* drive SD: Didn't you get raped by a bunch of Indians (Sorry Native Americans)back in the day. Learn how to ******* drive ND: Almost as useless as South Dakota. Learn how to ******* drive AZ: NEW MEXICO. Learn how to ******* drive NM: Arizona has more mexicans. Learn how to ******* drive HI: Luau anyone? Really fat linemen in the NFL. Do you drive a car or a surfboard. Learn how to ******* drive AK: I've been there so this isn't a stereotype: Literally the middle of no where, no one cares about it, eskimos, rains everyday, Nothing worthwhile. Learn how to ******* drive IL: Chicago and nothing else, but a lot of good pro sports. Learn how to ******* drive

Finally the truth? The truth! Early humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies, hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."

A funny Joke!? A new lumberjack had just finished his first month in the lonely wilds of Alaska, where there were no women for miles. He finally couldnt take it anymore and asked the foreman what the men did to relieve the pressure. Try the hole in the barrel outside the shower, the men swear by it. so the lumberjack tried it out and had the experience of his life. He told the foreman that he was going to use that barrel everyday... Everyday but Wednesday son.......thats ur day in the barrel:)

Another Polish joke...? Stanley was a lumberjack but he was unhappy with his handsaw. His buddies told him to buy a chainsaw so he went to a dealer and bought one. The next day the salesman saw Stanley bringing back the saw. "What's wrong?, he asked. Stan says,"With my old saw I could cut 3 cords of wood in a day, but this one only cuts 2 cords." So the salesman takes the saw to check it out and starts it up. "What's that noise?", asks Stan.

Yea or Nay...? Remember this is just a joke...Pls star if you like it. Thx. A brief history of the world.... Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter. The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Many modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history:

strongest man joke??? The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button. He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet." Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter. After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "Ok," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What did you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS." i would give raju the 10 points but he's level 7 already so i give it up to vote so vote and get a point anybody...

33 short jokes? Q: At lunch, what did Obi-Wan say to Luke? A: "Use the forks, Luke." Q: Did you hear the one about the two kids who tried to kiss in the fog? A: They mist! Q: Did you know there are three types of people? A: Those who can count, and those who can't! Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? A: He felt his presents! Q: How did the lumberjack use the computer? A: He logged on! Q: How do mad scientists freshen their breath? A: With experi-mints! Q: How do wealthy people dance? A: Check-to-check! Q: How do short people like to travel? A: In mini-vans! Q: How do you find King Arthur in the dark? A: With a knight light. Q: How does the barber cut the Moon's hair? A: E-clipse it! Q: How does the barber do his work so fast? A: With short cuts! Q: How is an engaged woman like a telephone? A: They both have rings! Q: What did the cop say to the bad popsicle? A: Freeze! Q: Did you ever see the movie "Constipated?" A: It never came out! Q: Can you use green, pink, and yellow in a sentence? A: When the phone goes green green, I pink it up, and say yellow! Q: Did you take a bath this morning? A: No. Is there one missing? Q: How do you get an alien baby to sleep? A: You rock-et! Q: How do you fix a car in Scotland? A: With Scotch tape! Q: How do you get rid of a boomerang? A: Throw it down a one way street! Q: What did one elevator say to the other? A: "I think I'm coming down with something!" Q: What did one hammer say to the other hammer? A: "I broke a nail!" Q: What did one penny say to the other penny? A: We make perfect cents! Q: What did Snow White say while she waited for her photos? A: "Some day my prints will come!" Q: What did the alien say to the gas pump? A: "Get your finger out of your ear when I'm talking to you!" Q: Why were the middle ages so dark? A: Because there were a lot of knights! Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: A zebra with chicken pox! Q: "Doctor, doctor I feel like some curtains." A: "Then pull yourself together!" Q: How did the boy get Egyptian flu? A: He caught it from his mummy! Q: How does the Eskimo mend his house? A: With iglue! Q: What can you catch, but not throw? A: Your breath! Q: What did one eye say to the other? A: Between you and me... something smells! Q: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny!" A: "Then why aren't you laughing?" ~~Thank you for reading all of my jokes. More will soon

Not bad one!? The local restaurant was so sure that its head waiter was the strongest man around that it offered a standing £1000 bet: The waiter would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze any more juice from the lemon would win the money. Many people had tried over time... weight-lifters, etc., but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came into the restaurant wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He said in a tiny squeaky voice, ‘Td like to try the bet.” After the laughter died down, the head waiter agreed to let the fragile man try, grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drop fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the waiter paid the £1000 and asked the little man, ‘What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, construction worker, or what?’ The man replied, “I’m a tax inspector.

strongest man xxx funny or not xxx? The local pub was so sure that its landlord was the strongest man around that it offered a standing £1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the landlord would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money. Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge. After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar. Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?" wait for it No" the man replied, "I work for Inland Revenue."

F**king tree? A guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman who tells him all about the job, pay, and housing for all of the lumberjacks. Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go to work at once. But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren't any women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what everyone does for sex. The foreman laughs and brings him over to this big tree that has a hole in it. "This is the fu c king tree. Whenever you get horny, come over and put your d i c k in the hole and f u c k away. Trust me, it does the trick every time." The man thinks it's kind of odd, but takes the job anyway. The days go by and soon the man gets horny. He thinks about taking it out on the tree, but it still seems weird to him, so he goes to his room and jacks off. A week passes and the guy gets hornier and hornier and jacking off isn't enough for him. So finally he figures, "What the hell," and sneaks over to the fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips out his dick and puts it in the hole. To his surprise, it feels great! Soon enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great session he goes back to bed with a big smile. The next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to the tree and it's even better this time. Again he pounds away at the tree. He can't believe how amazing the tree is and wonders what kind of magic tree they have. Things just couldn't get better for him. The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly takes out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree. The tree just gets better and better everyday. He goes at it again, and afterwards can hardly walk. The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way of the fucking tree. Finally the day is done, and he takes off for the tree. Pulls out his dick, grabs hold of the tree, and shoves it in. Nothing. The man is shocked. He tries again, but still nothing. Feeling very frustrated, the man storms off to the foreman. "What's wrong with the fucking tree? I've been there three times already and it's been better each time, but today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick in and nothing happened. What the hell happened?" The foreman thinks for a second and then says, "Oh yeah, I know, didn't they tell you? Today's your day in the tree."

joke!!!!!!? Bill and John, two lumberjacks, are out cutting timber one cold day when Bill starts to complain about always having chapped lips then notices John never does. "Why don't you ever have chapped lips?"asks Bill. John answers, "It's simple - watch..." John drops his pants, bends over and sticks his finger up his butt, then rubs his finger all over his lips. "Does that keep you from getting chapped lips"? Bill askes, "No" replies John, "but it sure keeps me from licking them"!

A man gets made redundant? and having a wife, three kids and another on the way needs to find work. He manages to get a job as a lumberjack but has to work away from home for four weeks at a time. After the first week he's feeling horny so he asks the boss what they do for fun round these parts. the boss tells him him "If you follow the path through the forest, go down the hill you''ll find a barrel, just stick your c*ck in the hole on the side of the barrel and you'll love it Nxt day the man goes to his boss and says " That was fantastic, i'm going there every day next week". His boss replies " every day but Tuesday" But why not Tuesday says the man? because its your turn inside the barrel replies his boss

Do you have chapped lips ? Bill and John, two lumberjacks, are out cutting timber one cold day when Bill starts to complain about always having chapped lips then notices John never does. "Why don't you ever have chapped lips?"asks Bill. John answers, "It's simple - watch..." John drops his pants, bends over and sticks his finger up his @ss, then rubs his finger all over his lips. "Does that keep you from getting chapped lips"? Bill askes, "No" replies John, "but it sure keeps me from licking them"!

Tree costume? Hi! So I am a college student and want to have a rocking Halloween this year (last year I was a vampire which is...not the most creative idea out there) and my friend and I thought of something that would be awesome to pull off. She wants to be a "sexy lumberjack" and already has her outfit planned - plaid dress, toolbelt, fake axe, maple syrup - and we came up with the idea the other day for me to dress up as a TREE to go along with her. At first we were joking but now we are convinced it would be really funny if we could pull it off! We could even act out her chopping me down at parties! So now I am left wondering how on earth to dress up as a tree and still look attractive (I AM in college after all). The only outfits that I managed to find online would pretty much make me look straight out of the Wizard of Oz/like a giant turd. Any ideas? :)

do u get chapped lips? Bill and John, two lumberjacks, are out cutting timber one cold day when Bill starts to complain about always having chapped lips then notices John never does. "Why don't you ever have chapped lips?"asks Bill. John answers, "It's simple - watch..." John drops his pants, bends over and sticks his finger up his butt, then rubs his finger all over his lips. "Does that keep you from getting chapped lips"? Bill askes, "No" replies John, "but it sure keeps me from licking them"!

Would u go with me? I'm a lumberjack & i'm ok I sleep Alnight & I work all Day, I cut down tress I wear high heels, susbendies & a bra. I wish I'd been a girly just like my dear Papa. lol

Does any know of a religion that has trolls in it? The Cyber Troll Song - Sung to the tune of the Lumberjack Song by Monty Python http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/montypython5.shtml I'm a cyber troll and I'm okay, I troll all night and I flame all day. He's a cyber troll and he's okay, He trolls all night and he flames all day. I set my sites, on a friendly folk, I know they all hate me On forums I go trolling And catch some pawns for tea He sets his sites, on friendly folk He knows they all hate he. On forums he goes trolling And catches pawns for tea He's a cyber troll, and he's okay, He trolls all night and he flames all day. I wreck their threads, give them the hump I laugh as sites turn sour. I put on my disguises, And screw around for hours. He wrecks their threads, gives them the hump He laughs as sites turn sour He puts on his disguises And screws around for hours He's a cyber troll, and he's okay, He trolls all night and he flames all day. I break down threads, I rant and rave, Got twelve identities And no one knows my gender Or knows just who I be He breaks down threads he rants and raves Got twelve identities And no one knows his gender Or knows just who he be He's a cyber troll, and he's OKAAAAAAAAAAYYY. He trolls all night and he flames all day

Is this really how history happened? Because it explains so much!? I just read this, and it explains EVERYTHING! Now I understand why Liberals are so wierd. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Joke first, puzzle following, OK? Paddy heard that a fortune could be made working as a lumberjack in Canada so off he goes and after some weeks arrives at a lumberjack camp and asks the foreman for a job. "Okay, son, but first you have to do a test. If you can chop down 100 treees tomorrow, you're hired." So next day Paddy gets his chainsaw and happily saws away all day. When the trees are counted, there are only 98. "Oh well," says the foreman, "you'll get another chance tomorrow." Next day, same story - but 99 trees. "I don't believe this," says the foreman, "a big fella like you should be able to cut down 100 trees in a day. You get one more chance, and I'll join you to show you the trick of it." Next day, Paddy and the foreman go into the forest. Upon arrival at a nice spot, the foreman puts the chain saw on the ground and starts the engine. Says Paddy, "Holy Cow! Where's that noise coming from?" Puzzle: Two American coins add up to thirty cents, yet one of them is not a nickel. What coins are they? FYI I'm not American either! Element_mix: Yes, but he used it MANUALLY - he didn't pull the starter cord!